Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
