yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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