Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm both gender and math confused
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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