Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
