Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
