I'm laying in your front yard are you home
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
