I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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