grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
