to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
