My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
