I don't remember. Are we still dating?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
