I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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