I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
