apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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