i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
