Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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