How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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