I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
