i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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