WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
