What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
