and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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