I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm at about main and main street
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
