How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
