i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
