if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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