I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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