Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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