i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he was CRYING into my vagina
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
