how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
