either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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