5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
