Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
