Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Sober January is a disaster.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
