I need to stop coming to work sober
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
