hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
