I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
