JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
