Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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