I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
