My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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