I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
