Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
