Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
