Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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