youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Did I show you my penis last night?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Randomize
