You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
