Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
