I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You need Xanax blowdarts
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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