What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
