for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
