Just cropdusted the office
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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