I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
