So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
